i'll be damned

I'll be damned. For about a year and half now i've had the best computer ever. In fact, I use to have heated debates with my ex boyfriend about how great my mac was and that I never had any problems with it. Really I never did. Well, like everything else, that has surely changed. The damn thing one day just up and stopped working. It won't turn on and won't charge. I'm still good friends with my ex and I refuse to mention that my mac is officially fucked because I'll never hear the end of it. So, you would think now, that I would be going pro pc now or something...but no. I'm still a mac lover. Why you ask? oh because just like anything else I'm a hopeless lover and I know that it's not really my macs fault. it's mine. why? because I have the worse luck in the whole entire world. Trust me, if it can happen it will happen to me. Sometimes I buy two of things becuase I know something will go wrong in the first 15 days. So now I'm stuck "studying" in the library...other than this i've actually gotten a lot done. So much in fact that i've significantly increased my grade in Advertising Principles. thankfully. The final exam will be easy and I'll survive my mothers wrath at the end of the semester. Maybe if that prof wasn't such a hefer.... I just need this week to get over with so I can go home and get my computer fixed. I truly love going to school here but sometimes you just need to go home and take a break. Although I won’t be doing much resting. I’ll be working a lot. And given the state my social life is in at this point Christmas break is going to be very, very interesting. Ah, I can’t wait… more drama and adventures. It’s always something.

discussing 20 years over some beers

Alas. It is 3:37am. I just finished a project for a class. It's not my best work, but it's better than I had expected. I'm just sitting here, listening to songs. All songs, mostly, are about love. It's like some universal thing. Ironic really, since we're always saying this universe lacks love. Yet, we sure do love to sing about it. We sing about it because it's true. The songs are there for a reason. Everyone goes through it at some point. As if its something you can get through. What if you never get through it?

  I was talking to my dad about relationships the other day, which is a very cautious topic with my dad. (He's been married 3 times and has had who knows how many relationships).  Anyways. My dad was 19 when he first got married...to some 16 year old  German girl when he moved to Germany to be in the army. He was in love with her, he's told me countless times that he loved her so. She was only 16 though and she wasn't serious; she just wanted to get away from her dad... so why not marry some handsome american boy (hellz yeah my dad was good looking back in the day, why ya think i'm so pretty?! LOL) but anyways seriously. now. So they were married and stayed together for about 2 years until he was moved to Hawaii where she also went with him. She hated it there because she didn't know anyone and she eventually started running around on him. Whenever my dad talks about this his voice gets really deep and he starts talking slower. It still hurts him.  I asked him that day, "How long did it take you to get over her?" rather bold on my part I might say. One thing I believe in is never ask questions when you don't really want the answer. He replied, "At least 20 years." This shocked me. Of all things he could have said I didn't think that. By then he had already been married to my mom.

   So I'm just wondering...Do we ever truly get over someone? sure we can get over the random relationships... But what about that one person whom you just had a spark with...that one person that things just seemed right with? Do we just pretend to get over it while pretending to move on until we find someone else and hope that the old feelings fade? I guess so. I guess sometimes you just love more than one person at the same time and I guess sometimes we carry some pain around for years and years, like my dad, until we find something better. Or something better finds us. It's just that's a lot of pain for a lot of time. Are we suppose to know that pain so that when something good comes along we know that it truly is good? I don't know...