The words you wish you wrote down

I had a vision for the life that was ahead of me
I had a reason, had a ride and had a destiny
I thought I never knew where I was heading
I would never look back

Sometimes in life you meet the people that you think you trust
Wake up one day and find that everything had turned to dust

    -Augustana "Shot in the Dark"

     So much has happened. In such a short amount of time. It really got to me last night. For 3 weeks i've been going nonstop, just this swinging pendulum back and forth back and forth, then Sunday night i realized it had stopped. A pause in my life. I mean the weekend was a blast, it was so much fun. My boyfriend came to visit and we hung out with my friends and went to the club and went tubing down the river. Then we went to the casino with our other friends. Honestly, all I wanted was one normal summer day together; us and our friends. We all have so much going on I just wanted one day to have a break. Luckily enough, I got two days. I hate being so far away from everyone I love, i hate it even more because i'm the one that signed up to have these classes here. Anyways, it was a great weekend, even though it was pretty busy. I'm always busy I guess, even when I'm relaxing. So, then after everyone left at the end of the weekend, I realized how quickly things have went by. Cue where I stopped and thought, "shit." A month as already went by. One month of my whole life.

      Right now things make sense. Things are going well for me, and that scares me. Because as soon as I let my guard down things fall a part I feel. Hell, even when it's up things still don't work out sometimes. If I learned anything this year it's that things don't always work out the way you wish they would. You just never know whats going to happen. So much is going on with my friends, I wish I was back home to be with them. They're all going through some things. It all revolves around the fact that sometimes you just don't know how things will turn out. You can plan all you fucking want. You can have the best plan. What you're going to do and who you're going to be with, but sometimes it doesn't matter. People can change and lose sight of themselves and what they want. When someone you love loses sight of a plan you built together, it makes you lose a part of yourself in a way. That's what hurts the most. That's what's scary. The plan is not to get hurt, to not lose someone you love, or yourself. It's out of your control despite everything else though.